Why Aren’t You Married: Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others?

Why Men Marry-2014
I am literally 5 minutes from asking myself this same question! Seriously, I am fresh on the marriage boat! But the interesting thing is this article I am about to share is exactly what I started to do in my single over 30 adult life and the results of it are: I am married now! I am married to the guy of my dreams in all seriousness…I mean he didn’t have the dreads I thought my husband would have when I was 16…lol.
What’s funny is that I did 97% of what the article said marrying women do and 100% of what they said single women should STOP doing! 
I will point this out the article says that women should give a man 6 months to commit, I was strong on 4 months, by then you should know if you want me around! I just wasn’t giving a dude half of my year!
Trophy Wives
Another side bar point is that overweight women  have a harder time marrying or dating. Do you think this is true? Remember this every wife is a trophy wife regardless of shape or size. Every man is different, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, however if your overweight get healthy for you not for any other reason.
Be Social
*DISCLAIMER–I DID NOT READ THE BOOK BUT I DO BELIEVE IN 97% OF WHAT’S HIGHLIGHTED BELOW.
*I didn’t write any of what is posted below, I cut and pasted from an article I read, Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others by John Molly.
Men Marry 201444
READY! SET! READ!
Major Points before you dig in:

The Six Basic Guidelines For Women To Get Married

  1. Insist on it.
  2. If you find yourself in a dead-end relationship, move on.
  3. Love yourself first.
  4. Commit yourself to the idea of getting married
  5. Keep in shape, watch your weight, and take care of your appearance
  6. Time is running out—use time wisely in your search for the marrying man

To maximize your chances of marrying, only date the marrying kind:

  • Most men will not consider marriage before they reach the age of commitment
    • For 80% of high school graduates, 23
    • For 80% of college graduates, 26
    • For college men, the high-commitment period is 28-33
    • For men who go to graduate school, 30-36
    • After the age of 37-38, the chances that he’ll commit drops dramatically. After 43, it drops even more
    • A 40+ man who has been married before is more likely to remarry than an equivalent bachelor is to marry
  • Most men will not contemplate marriage until they have been working and living as independent adults for several years (hence the high-commitment periods)
  • Men become likely to marry after they become uncomfortable with the singles scene
    • E.g. They realize that they’ve become the sleazy old guys who hang out at the bars and hit on younger girls
  • Men do have a biological clock, based on their desire to be an active father (especially to their sons)
  • Misc. negative traits and warning signs
    • Men who see marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have the most to gain
    • Men whose parents divorced when they were young
    • Men who live with their parents
  •  Other key facts
    • Men often marry women whose religion, politics, values, and socioeconomic status match theirs
    • Men whose friends and siblings are married are more likely to marry
      • 60% of the newly married men reported that they had a friend who had married within the last year.
      • Those men who didn’t have any married male friends were 2-3 times as likely to say that they weren’t ready to marry.
      • The majority of men who had seen their friends get married said that if they met the right woman, they’d think seriously about getting married.
  • Avoid stringers, men who string along women but never commit. To filter them out, insist that he commit after six months. Then stick to it, no matter what excuses he gives.
  • Consider unpolished jewels, men who are just as nice, intelligent, hard-working, and successful, but lack looks, height, or social skills.
    • a. 88% of men over 50 who were marrying for the first time were marrying divorced women. The women told the researchers that they had already tried the tall, suave, type, and he didn’t make a very good husband.

First impressions are important

  • 1. Men are attracted by the physical, but marry character
    • a. Newly engaged men said that what attracted them to their fiancées was how classy, positive, energetic, enthusiastic, and upbeat their future wives were.
      • i. While 68% gave a physical description of their fiancée, only 20% said that what attracted them was how gorgeous and sexy their fiancée was. Over 60% described their personalities, even if the women in question were very beautiful.
    • b. Therefore, be positive!
  • 2. All wives are trophy wives—men marry women whom they admire and like to show off (but not for their physical appearance)
  • 3. Dressing appropriately sends the message, “I am wife material.” Men marry women they perceive as “situational virgins” who move easily in their world.
    • a. Editor’s note: In other words, don’t dress like a ho. Men see a sexy outfit as an invitation to have sex.
    • b. Most men decide within 10 minutes of meeting a woman if she’s appropriate for marriage, or just for a casual affair.
    • c. Over 80% of men said or bragged that their fiancée was the kind of woman they were proud to introduce to friends and family
    • d. Over 70% of men said that they knew that their future bride was a “nice girl” the minute they met
    • e. Only 7 out of 2,000 men interviewed said that their fiancée was dressed in a very sexy outfit when they met.
  • 4. If you want to marry a man who is more attractive than you, go for a very good-looking man because he will actually place less emphasis on looks. Women see their own looks as a gift of nature equal to or superior to brains and talent. In contrast, 67% of very good-looking men think of their looks as a minor asset, and say they would rather be smart, rich, or talented. Do the following:
    • a. Approach him. Very attractive men don’t make passes at women because they don’t have to.
    • b. Let him put you on a pedestal. Don’t treat him any differently than you would another man, just because he’s good-looking.
    • c. Let him see your talents and accomplishments. Very good-looking men often marry women who have qualities they lack—education, professional accomplishment, social standing, and ambition.
    • d. Make demands on him. Advise him to go back to school or get a better job.
  • 5. Making a good impression on his family is almost as important as making a good impression on him.
    • a. 5% said that it was their family that had convinced them that the woman was something special
    • b. 30% said that their family’s positive opinion had influenced them

What kind of women get married?

  • 1. Women with a large number of female friends are more likely to marry than women with a large number of male friends
    • a. Men don’t go out of their way to introduce their female friends to other men
  • 2. If you reach 30 and want to get married, you have to make finding a husband a primary goal. Once your friends start getting married, they are less likely to have an active social life with you. Don’t be the last one off the bus!
  • 3. Women who get married, even those with high-powered careers, make getting married a priority that they work at.
  • 4. The larger the number of single men and women you work with, the better your chances of marrying
  • a. If you work in an industry with few eligible men (e.g. the fashion industry, where most male colleagues are gay), or have other disadvantages, you’ll have to work harder outside of work to overcome them. It’s unfair, but suck it up.
  • 5. Women with unrealistic expectations often remain single
    • a. Much of the time, these expectations are imposed by others, who think that the men she brings home aren’t “good enough for her.”
    • b. Give men a second chance—20% of brides to be said that they didn’t like their husband when they first met him.
  • 6. Self-confident men are attracted to accomplished, self-assured, and talented women
  • 7. Women who waste their time with stringers or men who don’t care for them hurt their chances of marrying
    • a. Women who marry refer to the men who broke up with them as losers. Women who don’t marry often make men who don’t reciprocate their feelings the center of their universe and still speak well of them.
  • b. Don’t date married or gay men.
  • 8. Women who live with their parents are less likely to marry
  • 9. Being slender attracts more men, therefore increasing your chances to marry
  • 10. Women who put effort into looking their best are more likely to marry than those who don’t
  • 11. However, men find women who are active and don’t spend all of their time primping more attractive
  • 12. Women who make an effort to seek out the company of single men are more likely to marry
    • a. Women who marry date more frequently than those who don’t, even it’s Mr. Wrong.
    • b. Women who marry are three times as likely to participate in masculine activities in which they had no real interest.
    • c. Women who marry are twice as likely to have made lifestyle sacrifices (changing jobs or moving) to meet eligible men.
  • 13. Women who have active social lives are more likely to marry
  • a. Go out on Friday and Saturday, when other single people go out

The stages in a relationship

  • 1: Living up to expectations
    • Men believe that they can size up a woman in 5 minutes. They’re usually wrong. If a man doesn’t call, it’s because he realizes that he made a mistake.
  • 2: Getting to know you. The following types of women are more like to get asked out on additional dates
    • a. Women who date more extensively
    • b. Women who have male friends or brothers (and thus have a better understanding of men)
    • c. Women who worry less about impressing their dates and more about having fun
    • d. Women who don’t have sex on the first date
    • e. Women who object when they don’t approve of the man’s plans
    • f. Women who are friendly and positive
    • g. Women who are a good audience and show interest and/or a concern for his welfare
    • Sidebar: Why men don’t call
      • As men see it, they don’t need a reason not to call. They do need a reason to call.
      • The woman gets too serious too soon
      • The woman is not as positive as they had thought.
        • 90% of men find catty remarks a turnoff
  • 3: Needs and lifestyles
    • This stage is about separating attraction from compatibility.
    • If your lifestyles aren’t compatible, end the relationship as quickly and painlessly as possible
  • 4: Steady dating (range: 3 weeks to 3 months)
    • Men don’t typically think of themselves as dating until after 4-6 dates
    • Women typically think of themselves as dating after 2-3 dates, hence the problem
    • The primary reason men drop women during the first month or two is that the women come on too strong, too soon.
      • 50% of men have broken up with a woman because she got serious prematurely
      • Never speak of marriage, children, or your future together for the first 6 dates.
  • 5: Romancing the woman
    • Men are always trying to please the women they like. Just relax and enjoy your stay on the pedestal (because it’s likely to be brief).
  • 6: Getting comfortable (3 months+). This is the stage where the couple stop feeling they have to be on their best behavior and start being themselves.
    • The fact that your man doesn’t bring you roses, but instead plops on your couch to watch TV and takes you for granted is actually a natural stage and the hallmark of almost all serious relationships—not a deal-killer.
    • But, don’t be a doormat. If you don’t complain, or, even worse, try to do everything for him, it will make him think you are just there for his convenience.
      • Women who withhold doing household chores usually get more respect from men
      • The women who insist on being treated well are 2x as likely to end up marrying their man. No one marries a servant.
    • Insist on being monogamous
  • 7: Committed couplehood (range: 6 months to 1 year; 73% said that within 9 months, their partner had become the center of their lives).
    • Successful couples:
      • Are monogamous
      • Put their partners interests above their friends and family
        • If his family member makes a negative comment about you, he should defend you. 79% of marrying men said that they came to their financees’ defense.
      • Hang out together without any particular plans. When just being together, you are a successful couple.
  • 8: Premarital couplehood.
    • Committed couples are:
      • Openly affectionate, and make sacrifices for each other
      • Become confidants. More than 90% of couples who get married are.
    • But remember that men are sensitive to criticisms of their family, and men don’t share their feelings easily
  • 9: The proposal stage
    • Most men propose after going out with a woman for 18 months.
    • If at the end of 22 months, a man has not proposed, the chances that he will start to diminish.
    • For 3.5 years, the chances diminish gradually. After that, it plunges. After 7 years, your chances are virtually zero.

Speaking of Marriage

  • 1. Men who discuss marriage are more likely to propose
  • 2. If you want to discuss marriage, you’re going to have to bring the subject up, because many men never will
  • 3. 73% of marrying women said that they put pressure on their man to propose
  • 4. If a woman is convinced that marriage is essential to her happiness, she is more likely to marry.
    • a. If a man is convinced that being married is essential to a woman’s happiness, he is more likely to propose
  • 5. When a man who has been dating a woman for months says he hasn’t thought of marriage, he’s probably just being honest. Men don’t think about these things.
    • a. 1/3 of husbands who had said no at first had forgotten that they did so
    • b. 2/3 remembered, but most thought it wasn’t a big deal.
    • c. When told that saying this upset their wives, the men generally responded, “What did she want me to do, lie to her?”
    • d. More than 90% of men who said they weren’t ready didn’t think the answer was a rejection, just a fact.
    • e. The best response is, “Maybe it’s time for you to think about it.”
    • f. Statistically, this is actually one of the most encouraging answers a woman can receive; many of these men proposed within 4 months.
  • 6. Men don’t get subtle hints—a woman has to discuss marriage directly and, to make sure he gets the point, ask follow-up questions.
  • 7. When a man says he isn’t ready, it usually doesn’t mean he will never marry.
    • Often, it’s because they don’t have enough money.
  • 8. Men rarely respond positively when challenged.
    • a. Over 50% of men say that when presented with a choice, “Marry me or get lost,” they chose to get lost.
    • b. Over 50% of men say that when a woman walks out, they let her go.
    • c. Instead, come back to the subject later. Send the message, “I love you, but I need marriage.” Don’t let them off the hook.
      • i. “How could you do this to me? You hurt me.”
      • ii. “The reason I’m so hurt is that I love you.”

Marrying after 40

  • 1. The best places to meet eligible men are clubs and groups based on common interests. Join organization that have single men as members.
    • a. 21% of engaged women over 40 said that they had met their fiancée at an athletic club
    • b. Sports clubs that focus on activities that attract singles (trips, bicycling) are best
    • c. Next best are tennis, and golf.
    • d. Third come professional or social organizations that are overwhelmingly male, like engineering associations or collectors of sports memorabilia.
    • e. Fourth come organizations that have a singles scene, or sponsor events that give singles a chance to socialize with other club members.
    • f. Dances, picnics, and charity golf or tennis tournaments are also a good place to meet men.
  • 2. Have an active social life
    • a. Women who go out twice a week, even just to dine with other women or do volunteer work, are 3x as likely to marry than those who don’t go out.
    • b. Going out three times a week boosts your chances even further.
    • c. However, going out more than 5 nights a week decreases your chances.
  • 3. Though men often date women who are much younger, they usually marry someone close to their own age.
  • 4. The most common reason men over 40 were attracted to their fiancées was that they took good care of themselves. So stay in shape!
  • 5. When asked what attracted them to their fiancées, younger men cite virtue, talent, or accomplishments. 62% of men over forty cited “niceness” (congeniality, agreeableness, a relaxed, low-maintenance attitude, and acts of kindness).
  • 6. Older men may be in a hurry to get married; delay them, don’t dump them, if you aren’t ready yet.
  • 7. Men who attend religious services are more likely to marry.

Divorced men, widowers, and single fathers

  • 1. Young widowers without children are the most marriageable men on earth
  • 2. Single fathers with young children have little or no energy for a social life
  • 3. Most widowers are not ready for a relationship until 2 years after their wife passed away
  • 4. Men whose wives died of lingering or painful illnesses are less likely to remarry.
  • 5. The more amicable a man’s divorce, the more likely he is to remarry
  • 6. The younger a man is, the more likely he is to remarry

What do you think of this article? Do you find it helpful?

Main Signature

The Words of Many

Dreams vs. Fear

Le’ts Graph- Life in graphs and charts

Someone stopped me in my tracks the other day. A comment that was made, moved me to think far beyond the moment those words pierced my heart. I generally am not bothered by the words of many but when I am walking along my path in the exact direction I want to go in and someone glares their eye of disapproval it startles me. Has this ever happened to you?

In Your Dreams

Let’s Graph- Life in graphs and charts

I have been on both sides of this story. I have been the one walking down a path all smiles, happy content and then boom, someone drops something in my path to piss me off or discourage me. And then I have been that person to rain on someone else parade. I was the one that took someones happiness and crumbled it to pieces right in their face. I guess their is no safe way to walk the paths we desire without someone unknowingly spreading the stinkiest pile of dog poop on it!

Is this how you spend your time

I see now why Philippians 4:11 says to ” Be content in all things”.  I am assuming this also means the pile of poop with that unbearable smell! I guess no matter who’s eyes are glaring down my path conjuring up an opinion, I just have to be content in my own personal path because ultimately I have to remember this “who the heck cares what others think” and instead of putting up one finger that is the most popular among so many, I put up all my fingers because more fingers up means my hands are in total surrender to the one that matters the most in every inch of who I am and He is the one keeping my path blazing!

ali-lets graph1

letsgraph.com

I am writing this truly for my own benefit but I hope it’s just as encouraging to you than it is to me. Funny thing is, this morning I had two people come to me in tears about their life. One was depressed and the other was sad about a death of someone she had just meet. I guess I have the face of kindness and the smile that God uses to mend broken hearts. I say this because checking the broken pieces of yourself regularly is for your benefit but it’s also for the benefits of those around you.  However, don’t deplete yourself so much so that your cup is empty and you have nothing to replenish yourself.

1003330_490709414347023_1767162703_n

letsgraph.com

So when someone drops a bag of poop on your path don’t glare at it to long to where the smell rots away at the keen senses that you have developed along the way of this thing we call life. Hop over it just as quickly as you spotted it. And if you get a little on your shoe, wipe it off as soon as you can. Sometimes we step in it unknowingly and the smell creeps up on us.

Create your own miracles

letsgraph.com

If you smell a little stank, that means your carrying something that your not intended to carry. Hurry up and get it off of you and keep blazing your path.

Signature, Follow

Love is…

Love is2013

A love note written to my husband in 2011.                                                                                      We always said our love was “As it is in Heaven”

1 Corinthians 4: 4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers. (Read the 1 Corinthians 4:4-13)

The picture above is something I wrote for my husband.  When I finally realized that I loved Terry, I just couldn’t stop myself from saying it to him over and over again. Even to this day at random times I tell him “I love you”. And those that know me know that before I hang up the phone or say good bye in person, I always say “Love you much”. Love to me should be given out at any given moment without cause, it’s never redundant. Love always seals the deal, it seals the moment. However, Love is a word that is used in the place of LIKE all to often. So much so that in this society it has watered down the true meaning of love for those that don’t quite understand it.

Gods love is forever2013

Whenever I hear people say “I love you but I am not IN love with you”, I cringe. I don’t get it! I mean I get it but it’s just an untrue statement. Love will always remain, it doesn’t come and go like that. You hear that so much that when you think of God being love, you think there are some conditions attached to it, like if you don’t do XYZ then He doesn’t love you. God is love, HE loves unconditionally, regardless of what you do or don’t do.

YOU CAN FALL OUT OF LIKE BUT NOT LOVE

You don’t fall in and out of love like that, really your falling out of LIKE. You can still love a person but realize that they aren’t the right person for you. Often times we stay attached to someone because we love them. You don’t have to do that. I personally was head over hills in love with my ex boyfriend, was he the right one for me no not at all. Did I walk away from him, yes I did. Why? Because although I loved him, I knew he wasn’t who God intended for me to be with.

brag-about-gods-love

Everyone is deserving of our love but some deserve it from a distance. Meaning, you don’t have to sit around and be mistreated in the name of LOVE. Yes you may love that person but some people don’t really know what LOVE is and will abuse the word and deceive you and many others into believing that they represent it. Know who the true representation of LOVE is…GOD! People will fail you but God never fails, his love is unconditional and constant.

John 3:16- For  God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosover believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

If you have experienced a negative representation of love, ask God to heal your heart. And have faith to believe that He will do it, put your hope in HIM because He is LOVE!

love-inspirational-daily

I Corinthians 4:13- And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE.

Main Signature

The Closet Autobiography Part 1

 Closet pic 2013333

“Clothes as text, clothes as narration, clothes as a story. Clothes as the story of our lives. And if you were to gather all the clothes you have ever owned in all your life, each baby shoe and winter coat and wedding dress, you would have your autobiography.”                   –Linda Grant, The Thoughtful Dresser

The Closet Autobiography: The Introduction

Let me just tell you, my closet is a hot mess, it’s been this way for over 6 months.  I have not been able to get it together. I am so ashamed of it. And now that I have a husband his things have added to my mess. I generally keep my closet in some type of order, shirts, pants, dresses, jackets with everything color coordinated; but as of lately my idea of organizing my clothes is piling them up outside my closet in a chair.   And every time I attempt to bring order, I get so annoyed and just say “forget it”. I even researched a couple of closet organizers but of course I quickly brought my mind in.

Sometimes you have to add a little fun to your “To do list”. There is no way I am going to get my closet in tip-top shape unless I make it a project! So here you have it the birth of “My Closet Autobiography”.  I am going to lay it all out right here right now, like to hear it here it goes!

My Closet Autobiography is a series on creating a closet that represents you, past and present! It’s the one place that should harbor the most intimate details of who you are. The reasons you chose the shoes sitting on the floor, why you never wear that dress that’s been hanging there forever, or why you always go to those same pair of jeans, could it be they snug your booty in all the right places! Whatever the reasons are behind your wardrobe choices, those items may not be the ultimate investment but they represent you as an individual.

Carrie-THE PURGEThe Closet Autobiography Part OneTHE PURGE

Creating your closet autobiography is about letting go of the past to make room for the present. You have to purge so you can embrace those things that make you happy. And after all of that you can create a positive atmosphere that will help you thrive with creativity, love and peace. All of this helps you embark on a new day! When your stuff is in order you can walk out the door every morning more confident because your mind is clear and your heart is content.

The Embrace2013

The Closet Autobiography Part Two: EMBRACE                                                        Embrace what makes you happy. Pull out all the things that make you feel a certain kind of way in the front of your closet. If it holds a great memory put it in the front, so you can see it. If you wore a certain item on one of the biggest days of your life, make it center stage! Even those famous go to items, put them in a place where your able to see them right away. Not only does this help you dress in the morning it will give you a boost of confidence.  

Carrie-The Atmosphere2013

The Closet Autobiography Part Three: ATMOSPHERE                                                             Creating a positive atmosphere- Decorate your space, add something other than clothes that represents you as an individual. This could be a vision board that holds all the looks you want to try, a big initial of your name, a pair of vintage shoes on a shelf, your favorite handbag. Add something creative.  This is your space, make it as fun as you want. Set the tone for the place where you create the look you want to portray that day!

carrie-bradshaw Lets go2013

Well folks, next Wednesday I will be sharing The Closet Autobiography Part One: PURGE.  I have a whole lot of purging that needs to take place! Time to make a few donations or attend a few swaps!

Until then I will be over at Pinterest pinning a few ideas on organizing my closet space. Follow my board titled Closet Autobiography!

P.S. I just realized I am sharing a closet with my husband so I have to figure out how to make it a his and her closet! Oh boy!

Main Signature

 

                                                                                                            

Parallel Universe

Natural or with a curl?

We live in a parallel universe, where we are constantly in the present and wandering in the future. We should always push ourselves towards transformation, colliding the two, our present and the hopes of our future.

Often times we hate our 9am-5pm jobs because it’s not what we really want to do in life. It’s not our passion, it’s actually an energy zapper. It robs you but yet pays you off every 10 days! Well until your dreams can sustain your lifestyle you will continue to live in a parralle universe. Understand this and deal with it. While at the same time learning to transform your life!

Oprah said it best “The only real way to transformation,” she writes, “is through the mind.” Did you get that? Each step you take, each descision you make starts in your mind! Having a made up mind is the first step towards transformation. How will you transform?

Transform Yourself,

Ms. Karen Minor

Cycles of Nothingness

Thrifted Dress, Shoes: Shoe Dazzle, Clutch & Belt: Rainbow

1. Have you ever been in a whirlwind of so many thoughts that your constantly stuck in random streams of thoughts that never become actions?

2. Are you  on PAUSE with no cruise control?  Are you constantly creating to do list that never get done? And sorting through the list becomes overwhelming so you opt out of responsibility and do nothing but bask in cycles of nothingness!

3. Are you moving at a fast pace but you aint going nowhere?

If you answered yes to any of these questions then your on the cycle of nothingness! You want a different life but you block yourself in every direction with excuses, mainly “I don’t have time”.

Take a journey with me this month and learn how to break the cycle of nothingness and make an investment in yourself!

Let’s start with this simple steps towards a new journey of Self Investment:

1. Write out 3 ways that you can invest in yourself, nothing materialistic, but an inward investment. Something that will move you from where you previously are to half way to where you want to be.  This could be taking a 1 day class in an area of interest, buying a self-help book, anything that will push you to invest in yourself.

A. I begin with emailing a web designer, I have tried to develop my own website but I suck at it–duh! It’s not my expertise!

B. Registered for some Business classes online at Montgomery College, each class is $100.

C. I started planning my new website launch party for late October.

My BFF said she wanted to plant a garden this summer, it’s never to late to plant a seed in the ground, you just have to take a different approach at it. Taking different approaches is how you live your best life ever! And that’s my challenge, creating my best life ever by taking a different route! In my Tom Cruise voice “Who’s coming with me”.

So stop wasting money on material things and be creative in your approach to education and or change! Invest in yourself not your closet! Now let me clarify, I am not saying to not buy yourself something nice but sometimes we become materialistic and forget that you need to build a future!

Email me your plans! Lets do this together, it will be a great encouragement to me!

Always fabulous,

Ms. Karen Minor